Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I'm in Auto, Mom! :)


एक लड़की अपने बॉयफ्रैंड के साथ पार्क में बैठी थी तभी अचानक उसकी मां का फोन आ गया

मां- कहां हो बेटा, कितनी देर में घर आ रहे हो।

बेटी- मां मेरा ऑटो खराब हो गया है, देर लग जाएगी (माहौल को जीवंत करने के लिए लड़की का प्रेमी मुंह से ऑटो की आवाज निकालने लगा) ।

मां- बेटी तेरा ऑटो कुछ ज्यादा ही खराब हो गया लगता है, घर ले आ, पापा ठोक-ठाक कर ठीक कर देंगे।

बेटीः अरे मां मैं सच में ऑटो में ही हूं।

मां- जानती हूं बेटी, तेरी उम्र में मैं भी कई ऑटो में बैठी हूं..।।

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Laloo sent his BioData 2 Bill Gates

Laloo sent his BioData 2 Bill Gates:

Laloo sent his BioData to apply for a post in Microsoft, USA. Few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements.
Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks
Bill Gates
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference-

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."

Everyone was delighted. He continued "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhi karunga."

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad -Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement -humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance -ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee
No phone call -phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained -bahut khaatir kee jayegi
Thanks -aapkaa bahut dhanyavad
Bill Gates -Tohar Bilva

Monday, February 14, 2011

'शीला की जवानी' गीत का भावार्थ' - I know you want it But you never gonna get it

प्रस्तुत उत्तेजक गीत हिन्दी फिल्म जगत के नवीनतम रत्न 'तीस मार खान' से लिया गया है. यह गाना नायिका के संगमरमर जैसे शरीर से आकर्षित होने वाले लंगोट के ढीले पुरुषों पर नायिका की अपमानजनक प्रतिक्रया को व्यक्त करता है. नायिका उन्हें सीधे और कटु शब्दों में बताना चाहती है कि शीशे के पीछे रसगुल्ले की ख्वाहिश करना एक बात है और उसे चखना दूसरी बात!

I know you want it
But you never gonna get it
Tere haath kabhi na aani
Maane na maane koi duniya
Yeh saari, mere ishq ki hai deewani

गाने की शुरुआत नायिका के ईमानदारीपूर्ण वक्तव्य से होती है. वो जानती है कि इन मर्दों को उसकी भावनाओं, दिल और प्रेम से कोई सरोकार नहीं. वो तो बस एक ही चीज चाहते हैं. पर वो उन्हें मिलने वाली नहीं. उन्हें मुंह में भर आये पानी से ही अपनी प्यास बुझानी होगी. दुर्भाग्यपूर्ण, परन्तु सत्य.

Hey hey, I know you want it
but you never gonna get it
Tere haath kabhi na aani
Maane na maane koi duniya
yeh saari Mere ishq ki hai deewani
Ab dil karta hai haule haule se
Main toh khud ko gale lagaun
Kisi aur ki mujhko zaroorat kya
Main toh khud se pyaar jataun

नायिका पुनः दर्जनों पुरुषों में उसके प्रति जगी वासना पर प्रकाश डालती है. वो अपने आस-पास मंडराते छिछोरों को बताती है कि उनकी दाल नहीं गलने वाली. पर साथ ही यहाँ नायिका के व्यक्तित्व का एक और पक्ष उजागर होता है.सौंदर्य से जागृत अहंकार का पक्ष. वो अपनी सुन्दरता से इतनी प्रभावित है कि उसे किसी पुरुष की ज़रुरत नहीं. वो अपने अन्दर की स्त्री के लिए खुद
ही पुरुष बन जाना चाहती है. अब इसे अहंकार की पराकाष्ठा कहें या आत्म-प्रेम की मादकता!

what's my name
what's my name
what's my name
My name is Sheela
Sheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani
Na na na sheela
Sheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani

अब नायिका अपना परिचय देती है. अपना नाम बताती है. और नाम भी ऐसा जो बूढ़ी नसों के लिए वायाग्रा का काम करे. उनमें यौवन का झंझावात ला दे.नाम बताने के साथ वो यह भी बताती है कि वो बहुत ही ज़्यादा सेक्सी है.अपने मुंह मियाँ मिट्ठू. पर इस आत्म-प्रशंसा में भी अहंकार की सुगंध है.वो खुद को इतना ज़्यादा सेक्सी बताती है कि वो सबकी पहुँच से बाहर है.
एक ऐसे चन्द्रमा की तरह जिसकी चांदनी तो सबको उपलब्ध है, पर उस चाँद को छूकर उसे महसूस करना किसी के बस की नहीं. यहाँ यह सिद्ध होता है है कि नायिका सौंदर्य की साधक ही नहीं, बल्कि अहंकार से भरी चुड़ैल भी है.

Take it on
Take it on
Take it on
Take it on


अब नायिका सीधे शब्दों में चुनौती देती है. एक ऐसी चुनौती जो शायद मर्दों में शराब के बिना भी साहस ला दे.


Silly silly silly silly boys
O o o you're so silly
Mujhe bolo bolo karte hain
O o oHaan jab unki taraf dekhun,
baatein haule haule karte hain
Hai magar, beasar mujh par har paintra

अब नायिका उनका उपहास करती है. उन्हें मूर्ख कहकर पुकारती है. उन्हें ज़लील करती है. वो मर्द नायिका के बारे में गुप-चुप बातें कर सकते हैं,पर उसके सामने जुबां नहीं खोल पाते. वासना और कायरता का ये अद्भुत संगम है.

Haye re aise tarse humko
Ho gaye sober se re
Sookhey dil pe megapan ke
teri nazariya barse re
I know you want it
but you never gonna get it
Tere haath kabhi na aani
SheelaSheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani
Na na na sheela
Sheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani

यहाँ आखिरकार वासना से मदहोश मर्द कुछ बोलने की हिम्मत जुटाते हैं. वो धीमे स्वर में अपनी इच्छा ज़ाहिर करते हैं. वो बोलते हैं कि नायिका का फिसलता बदन उनके बंजर दिलों में प्रेम का अंकुर ला रहा है. मानो नायिका को उनकी असली इच्छा का पता ही नहीं. इसलिए वह उन्हें फिर से याद दिलाती है कि दिन में सपने देखना छोड़ दें.

यह ख़ूबसूरत गीत आज ही नहीं, सदियों से चला आ रही नर और नारी की मानसिकता को उजागर करता है. नारी हज़ारों घंटे श्रृंगार और व्यायाम में बिताकर इस लायक दिखती है कि मर्द उस पर गिद्ध जैसी नज़रें डालें. पर जब वो नज़रें डालते हैं तो नायिका उन्हें चूजा सिद्ध कर देती है. नर भी कम नहीं. वो नारी के शारीरिक आकर्षण के सामने आपा खो बैठते हैं. जब वासना शिखर पर
होती है तो साहस लुकाछिपी खेल रहा होता है. अब ऐसे में मिलन हो तो कैसे हो? इसी सवाल के साथ यह गीत श्रोताओं और दर्शकों के मन में एक कसक छोड़ जाता है.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

WHAT A PARTY!

Four Friends at Party:

After drinks one of the man had to use the restroom. Remaining talked about there kids.

First: My son started working at  company. Now he is the president of company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a Mercedes  for his birthday.

Second: MY son started working in big airline, then became partner in the company. He is so rich he gave his best friend a brand  new jet for his birthday.

Third:  My son become an engineer and is now a  multimillionaire. He gave best 30,000sq ft mansion.

Just as the Fourth  man returned from the restaurant n asked : What discussion going?

one of them said:  We were talking success of our sons. What about your son?

Fourth: My son is a GAY n makes living dancing as a stripier at a night club.

Third: What a shame...!!

Fourth Man: No I'm  not ashamed. He is my son n i love him and he has not done too bad either. His birthday  was two weeks ago, and he received beautiful 30,000 sq ft  mansion, brand new jet and Mercedes from  his 3 boyfriends... ;-)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Laugh Time...

1. A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and asks innocently "Every day you come to meet my sister, don't you have your own sister"

2. Santa went for an interview Bank manager: what is cyclone ? Santa: It is a smallest loan given by bank to buy a cycle.

3. Innocent kid handling his breakup ... Main tumhe bhulne ki bahut koshish karta hun, par kya karun mummmy roj BAADAAM khila deti hai. Aur muje tumhaari YAAD fir see aa jaati hai

4. Pintu was having habbit of eating nails of his hand, His parents sent him to Ramdev Baba for treatment….. . . . Now Pintu can also eat nails of his legs..

5. Teeth said 2 Tongue " If I just press u little hard, you will get cut. Tongue replied: "If I misuse 1 word against some1, then all the 32 of u will come out at once”

6. What is the height of flirting ? When your love letter starts with . . . . " TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"

7. Ek aadmi ka ye sun kar heart fail ho gaya jab uski kaam waali bai ne kaha Saahab "Orkut pe muje b add kar lo"

8. Dada(Grand Father): Beta ja paani le aa. Pota(Grand Son): Mai nai laa sakta, mai game khel raha hun 2nd Pota (Second grand son): Rahne do dada g, ye to hai he BADATMEEZ.... ... .. ... .. .. Ap khud he ja k le aao.

9. World's shortest poem.. Baba black sheep have u any wool? .. .. ... .. . sheep: NO, get lost.

10. Jinn : Kya huqum hai mere Aaka ? Aaka: Mere account me jaldi se 10 crore rs aur katrina se shaadi 10 sec me karwa do. Jinn: Aaaka, huqum karo...bakwaas mat karo !!!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Family Problems

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American, 'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.'
We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'

The American said, talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. 'After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife's my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son.
My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son.
Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson..

And you say you have family problems...

The Indian fainted...

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

GOOGLE God Tumhe Shat Shat Pranaam :)

Its our duty to thank GOD (GOOGLE ORIENTED DEVELOPMENT) for being with us throughout the year during development... So lets start this year with an aarti of GOD...

Friday, January 8, 2010

Chatur’s speech from 3 idiots

Aall Izz Well !Enjoy...

Adarniya sabhapati mahodaya …atithi vishesh shikshan mantri shri R D tripati [tripathi] ji ..maanyaniya shikshagan aur mere piyaaare [pyare] sahpatiyo [sahapathiyon] …aaj agar I.C.E aasmaan ki bulaaandiyo [bulandiyon] ko chhu raahaa [raha] hai ..to uska shreya sirrf [sirf] ekinsaan [ek insaan] ko jaataahai [jata hai] shri veerusahastra buddhe ..give him a a big hand ..he is a great guy really ..
Peechle buttis saal se inhone nirantar is college mein balatkar [balaatkaar ] pe balatkar kiye ..umeed hai aagey bee [bhi] karte rahege [rahenge] ..hamine to aashcharya hota hai ki ek insaan apne jeevan kaal mein itni balatkar kaisi kar sakta hai …inhone kadi tapaasya se apne aapko is kaabil bunaya [banaya] hai ..waqt ka sahi upyog ghante ka purna istemaal koi inse seeke [seekhe] ..seeke inse seeke ….aaj hum sab chaatra yaha hai ..kal desh videsh mein fail [faael] jayenge ..waadaa hai aapse jis desh mein honge waha balatkar karenge I.C.E ka naam roshan karenge …dika [dikha] denge sabko jo balatkar Karne ki shamtaa yaha ke chaatro mein hai wo sansaar ke kisi chaatro mein nahiii ….No other chaatra No other chaatra

Adarniya mantraji namashkar aapne is sansthaan ko wo chees di jiski hamein sakht zaroorat thi ...sstunn ..stunn hota sabi [sab hi] ke paas hai ..sab chupa ke rakte hai ..detaa koi nai …aapne apna stun is balatkari purush ke haat mein diya hai…ab dekiye yeh kaisa iska upyog karta hai..


Sloke.....

Utamamm dadh dhadhattt padam……..
madhyam padam thuchuk thuchuk……..
khanishtham thudthudiiiy padam……..
sursuria pran khatkam..!!!!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Mere bhai chor do nasha....

Ek Cheeta Cigarette ka sutta lagane hi wala tha ki achanak ek chuha wahan aaya aur bola "mere bhai chor do nasha, aao mere sath bhaago, dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat hai, aao mere saath duniya dekho"

Cheetay ne ak lamha socha phir choohe ke sath daudhne laga.

Aage ek haathi afeem pi raha tha, chooha phir bola, "haathi mere bhai chor do nasha, aao mere saath bhaago, dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat hai, aao mere sath duniya dekho"

Haathi bhi sath dorne laga.

Agay sher whisky peene ki taiyaari kar raha tha, choohe ne usay bhi wohi kaha.
Sher ne glass side par rakha aur choohe ko 5- 6 thappar maare.

Haathi bola, "are ye to tumhe zindagi ki taraf le ja raha ha, kyon maar rahay ho is bechare ko ?"

Sher bola, "yeh Kameena pichli baar bhi cocaine pi kar mujhe 3 ghante jungle mai ghumata raha".

:):):):):)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Woh bole ki

Woh bole ki mehfil mein kahin humare joote kho gaye..........
to hum ghar kaise jayenge......
Humne kaha aap shayari to shuru kijiyey.....
Itne aayenge to gin bhi nahi payenge

NOW I Have UNDERSTOOD

When i was sad,
U were there,
When i was crying,
U were there,
When i was unhappy,
U were there,
NOW I Have UNDERSTOOD . . . . .
ki SARE FASAD KI JAD TO TUM HO

Thursday, February 12, 2009

DON


DON Ke Phone Ka Intzaar To 11 college ki ladkiya kar rahi hai;
Par DON Ka Phone Aana Mumkin hi nahi Namumkin Hai.
Kyoki.....
DON ke Phone me Balance HI Nahi hai.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Keep Smiling Always Because You never Know who is falling in LOVE with Your Smile


Keep Smiling Always Because You never Know who is falling in LOVE with Your Smile